Raising CJ: Hargrave Military Academy Summer School

For the month of July, CJ will be at the residential summer school program at Hargrave Military Academy. We decided to send him to this program long before homeschooling was a thought in our mind. We were feeling so discouraged by his continued behavior problems at school and initially sought it out with two goals. The first was our hope that the summer program would instill a bit of discipline in him and help him to establish some routines that would lead to better performance in the classroom. The second was our curiosity about how CJ would fare in this more structured, rigid environment.

At this point, we have seen evidence that his potential is great. His teachers acknowledge this as well. I'm not saying he's a genius by any stretch of the imagination but success would come easy to him with minimal effort...at least at this age. So, we know that about him and then observe his actions toward learning and his constant reprimands from teachers and administration and it's the saddest thing to see. As a parent, you're trying to guide them to some future. I see the basic responsibility of parenting to be to guide the child towards independence in their adult life. Independence doesn't always mean wealth but why not shoot for the stars? Every parent wants their child to have a career they love that is also very lucrative. They want them to have lots of genuine friends and eventually have an awesome wife, and amazing children. I could go on but you get it.

Our fear was continuing to grow that CJ's actions were diminishing his chances of having those things that we want for him so badly. His goals are to play in the NBA, make millions and build a dream house that has things like a basketball court and a mini-fridge (LMAO!). Even that goal was being undermined by his own actions (maddening!).

Yesterday, we dropped CJ off at Hargrave. We were mostly impressed with the staff that we met. The new President met us on the street and was extremely personable and friendly. Things were fairly organized and there was a process that most people seemed to understand. There were several things that I wasn't happy about but overall, it seemed like a good start. It was a long morning of getting things corrected and in the right places and picking up the uniform and other required things to get him ready for the month.

CJ's excitement dwindled the longer we were there. He said he was excited to go and I believe he was to some degree. He'd gone an overnight camp at the University of Maryland that was entirely focused on basketball and he loved it. I think I may have set him up for disappointment by signing him up for that before Hargrave. Either way, my guess is that the more he realized that they would have expectations of him beyond playing basketball and that things weren't set up for him to have the most fun ever so his parents would send him next year, he was less excited. Honestly, that was hard. I know this is good for him but it is always hard to see your kid sad or disappointed.

I talk to CJ a LOT. I'm sure he listens much less than I talk lol but I still do it. I want him to understand our decisions, even if they upset him in some way. I'm sure he could articulate why we've sent him to Hargrave and what we hope to get out of it.

When we researched the summer program at Hargrave, I was beyond impressed. The students (called Cadets) take two academic classes of their choice (my choice lol). CJ is taking a math class and a class called "Character and Leadership" or something like that. All cadets also have to take a one week study skills course that culminates in a test. I just think that is super awesome. They have mandatory study hall everyday M-Th that is proctored and I believe the instructors are present to help with homework or additional instruction of the material. If the child is not performing well in the classroom, there are other times that they have to do study hall including during free time periods and also on Friday evenings. This is why I think it is great - it reinforces what we tell CJ "if you do what is expected, when it is expected, you don't have to work harder than you should". LOOOOVEEEE!!!!

Their model is to develop the whole child - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The physical part comes in with the sports electives. CJ will take lacrosse for the first two weeks and basketball for the second. I kinda hope he loves lacrosse so much that he decides to do it for the entire four weeks but either way is fine with me. Hargrave has produces some amazing athletes (including NBA players) and so I think he'll enjoy that aspect. I do think he's come to acknowledge the amount of work that is required to get to that level even if he doesn't work that hard independently.

They attend chapel every Sunday and also have awesome activities planned. You have to be in good standing academically and with regard to your behavior in order to participate in the fun stuff but I love that! CJ NEEDS THAT!!!

After everything was settled yesterday, the parents were asked to say goodbye to their students and we were addressed by several members of the faculty (President, Dean of Students, etc). As the President was giving us an overview of their expectations and goals for the summer, I was crying like a baby lol. I just could not control it. The things he talked about were just so in line with what we are hoping to instill in CJ that it made me so happy and optimistic and hopeful.

He talked about their model. He made sure to let us know that there isn't some drill sergeant tearing our kids down as we sat in that room. He talked about their model being to develop the whole child as I mentioned before. He talked about wanting to enforce accountability in the boys. That is just so necessary in today's world. My honest opinion is that if we fostered more accountability in our children, especially in the black community, that there would be fewer police shootings and no need for the Black Lives Matter movement. I'm sure lots of people would want to argue about that.

He described their model as not to break them down to build them up (because they didn't actually join the Military) but to impose the structure and routine that would help them be successful. It really sucks that parents like us have to resort to something so "dramatic" as sending their son to a military academy because that structure no longer exists almost anywhere else in society. The classrooms certainly don't have it. I also believe this is why so many kids are being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. I am sure that's a real condition but I don't think it is as widely applicable as is being treated.

I think the thing that really sent me over the edge (emotionally, because I'm a punk) is that he talked about their limiting distractions so that the boys could achieve their full potential. In a world of kids being always on their phones or devices, I cannot believe that they still enforce this. The kids aren't even ALLOWED to bring their phones to camp. I love this for so many reasons. I love it because it will show them that they won't DIE without phones for a month. I love it because it will encourage them to interact with each other. CJ doesn't have a problem making friends or things like that but I am still sure that his social skills are impaired because of the use of electronics. They couldn't bring televisions or anything like that either. They do have laptops which were required to bring but they have a strict policy that should limit youtube watching and game playing.

I think the people I've told that CJ was going to a military academy have the stereotypical impression of what it is. All work and no fun. They have absolutely built in fun for the kids. The building in which they live has a very nice entertainment room. It might have a television but it definitely has a ping pong table and foosball table and other things like that (we didn't really get to check it out while we were there). They have all kinds of activities planned for each weekend from Friday to Sunday. There's free time built into their daily schedule where they can do whatever they want, include going swimming.

This post is so disjoint but I wanted to put it down anyway. They have parent-teacher conferences on July 14. I plan to go and I'm very excited to hear what they have to say about him. It will be interesting to learn whether he gives in to the structure or fights against it. We are considering Hargrave for actual school at some point in the future. We'll see what happens.

Here are some pics of move in day: